Back in the NW

Being back in Portland is definitely great. I missed it! It has been raining nonstop since I arrived (surprise) and I don't have an umbrella. I went to Fred Myer today and got myself a prepaid cellphone I can use for these 3 and some weeks. I already made a grilled cheese sandwich today and am currently drinking a delicious Bridgeport beer.

I am getting ready to go to Happy Hour at Gold Dust (god I missed that place) and then it's off to the Bagdad Theater to see District 9 with my sister and Thomas. I'm going to make the most out of every damn day here.

World Spins Madly On

In three days I will in Oregon. It hasn't sunken in yet, that I will be back there for almost a month... Everything happened so fast, with me landing the job and then realizing I had to take a vacation now or wait 9 months to do so. I have a list of things I want to do when I am there and people I want to see. Somehow I will have to cram it all into the short amount of time. I have to make a day trip to the coast, weave through the soft hills and moss-covered ground until I am standing at the shoreline with that cold, salty Pacific Ocean wind in my hair.

Now I just need to finish the massive amount of laundry accumulated in my hallway, clean my apartment, buy a train ticket, pack my suitcase, run a few small errands, buy some books for the plane and then I'm off.

Luck Be a Lady

It’s my birthday today, yup. I am twenty-six years young. I am now closer to thirty than twenty, a depressing thought, but then again, not. If I died tomorrow, I couuld honestly say I would not have changed a thing so far. I am so grateful for all the wonderful people I have met and the experinces I have been given. I still want to do and see so much more. I want to be better at the guitar, go snowboarding this winter, take more pictures, start Spanish next year, write more...

Today has already been a lovely day. I did a photoshoot in Altona of a psychologist for an article, then I had a lunch of coffee and a crossiant. Now there’s just a few more hours of work and then I am meeting with friends in the Schanze for some birthday drinks. Tomorrow I have a job interview and then it’s off to the XX concert!

Stars

It's tricky when
You feel someone
Has done something
On your behalf

It's slippery when
Your sense of justice
Murmurs underneath
And is asking you:

How am I going to make it right?

With a palmful of stars
I throw them like dice
Repeatedly

I shake them like dice
And throw them on the table
Repeatedly
Repeatedly
Until the desired constellation appears
And I ask myself:

HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE IT RIGHT?
HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE IT RIGHT?
HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE IT RIGHT?
And you hear:
HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE IT RIGHT?

HOW????????????????????????????????

Outside Under Broken Leaves

Sometimes I can't help but take some time off from the world. Get lost in my thoughts, go for long walks, sit on the balcony, ignore the unknown lurking outside of my front door. Sometimes I just want an illusion, a smile on my face, dancing till the morning hours, I'm happy, I'm young and free.

I miss certain people unbearably. One person, really and I dont know how I feel about it, except for that a piece of me has been left floating in the expanse of time and I'm not sure how to get it back. I am just hoping that these next few weeks blow over quickly and that I find my footing.

ice is melting in the polar ice caps and all I can think about is my pathetic little life
what’s going to happen when the money runs out?
how do i still my heart without internal bleeding?
when I started breathing, i didn’t realize things weren’t going to be easy
put me back in junior high with the wonderbra and noxzema

Deer in Neon Headlights

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I took tomorrow free from work. There is something wonderful about knowing you can sleep in as late as you want on a day when you normally have to work. Tomorrow is me day. I am spending the morning working on some job applications, then playing some guitar, then it is off to downtown to get a coffee and apply for jobs. Not sure what the evening will bring, but I am looking forward to it.

Despite the lack of uncertainty looming ahead, I have been feeling extremely inspired and passionate lately. Taking my camera out last weekend was very wonderful for me and I am looking forward to the photoshoot on Sunday I am doing for a friend. I haven't been writing that much lately but I feel that my dedicated to my guitar has made up for it. I have been having intense dreams about snowboarding again; they always start in the Fall. This winter I must get my feet burried in snow.

Hamburg has started to get cold again, really cold. And windy. The cobblestones are covered with wet leaves as I walk home from work and the air has taken on that unmistakable smell of Fall. I want some hot chocolate and a warm body to hold onto.

Rainy Days, Crazy Nights

I got an extension at my internship. Now I will be there until the end of September and then the next step is either getting a job or working towards my master. I am leaving the decision up to my intution. Now its off to the Schanzenflohmarkt and to enjoy the rest of my weekend!